I haven’t published much lately, partially because I’ve been busy working on projects that are demanding a considerable amount of time, and partially because I really hate publishing things. The moment a story gets published I, for whatever reason, turn on it. Nothing is ever quite good enough, especially when it seems permanent, and any story I write I am bound to hate once it reaches a public forum.
This is fine. I have no problem hating my stories. I think it’s good for an artist. Please don’t tell me otherwise.
I should preface this with the fact that I’m grateful they’ve been published. Mostly because every single publication that has published me is a publication I genuinely like. With me as an exception, they produce solid work, and should not be judged for their Mason Johnson affiliation.
Anyway, here’s my small list of published stories and what I think of them.
The Bump published by the2ndhand
I originally wrote this with two things in mind: Two Cookie Minimum and Tadd Adcox’s “Secret Journal” (which is a goddamn secret so shut your goddamn mouth).
Tadd rejected it.
Which is fine. I still love Tadd, even if this story was too gross for him.
And it is gross. Things don’t tend to gross me out, so it didn’t occur to me how gratuitous it is until after people told me it grossed them out. I’m not sure if this is a good thing or a bad thing.
Now that the story is up, I could take it or leave it. One line that I really hate, that I thought would work as I read it out loud, but it didn’t, that, for whatever reason, I never cut out (despite having edited it before submitting it to the2ndhand), is “That bitch went down like a ton of bricks.”
It doesn’t make any goddamn sense for the piece. It’s just not consistent. It’s stupid.
Dame, Extra Spicy published by Untoward
Originally, I wrote this for Ray’s Tap Reading Series and only Ray’s. I enjoyed reading it immensely and felt there was no other place for it, so I hadn’t planned on sending it out.
Then Matt said, “I want to put that on Untoward.”
I thought it was a bad idea, specifically because I’m an assistant editor (though I barely do anything at all), and thought that would be unfair. He still wanted it. So I let him publish it.
Still, I wish you’d seen me read this out loud. Nothing measures up to the awkward responses of the crowd.
GETTING A JOB: A POETIC TRILOGY published by Red Lightbulbs
I don’t write a whole lot of poems. This was actually written when I was unemployed, going crazy from all the cover letters I was writing. In fact, I even sent these to a marketing firm as my cover letter.
They never called me.
Maybe I should have left it at that.
I don’t particularly like part one or part three. I like part two. I think it’s packed with a lot of fun language, scenes and images.
Parts one and three seem uninspired by comparison. As if they’re grasping for a point that isn’t there, or an immature point that I simply don’t care about. They feel like gimmicks. It’s weird, I feel like part two is the wonderful meat between two poo-buns.
On the bright side, Red Lightbulbs is a great journal and that particular issue had a shit-ton of good work (from other people).
Cat a Review published by Knee-Jerk
This goddamn story. I liked it at first, but after reading it… four or five times in public, I got real goddamn tired of it.
It’s awkward to hear people’s responses to it. I shouldn’t judge it based on other people’s interpretations, but I do. For one, too many people think it’s true. Think the main character is me, and the woman in the story is someone I actually used to sleep with…
Which is really odd, because there’s a talking cat in the goddamn story. A talking cat! Obviously, I do not own a talking cat. That gets ignored when people assume it’s “true” though.
Based on this story, along with some others I’ve read in public, some people have said things to me like, “you write a lot about sex,” and, “it seems like you’ve slept with a lot of people.”
Neither of which I would consider particularly true.
Thankfully, I’m a male writer, and therefore, the people who say these things mean them in a positive manner. If I were female, they’d probably mean it negatively. Man, it’s great being a white man! You can get away with anything.
Finally, my last gripe with this story: I don’t think the main character is likable. He’s a loser and an idiot in my eyes. Sure, there is change from the beginning to the end, but how much? Really? So, not liking this character, it bugs me when people think I’m him. Or that he’s “good.”
Appendicitis published by Defenestration
I actually have very little to say about this poem. It was fun to write. It makes me happy because it reminds me of my girlfriend (despite the fact that the relationship in this poem might seem gloomy).
I think the words in the third stanza could be less clunky. Could never quite get that right.
Shrug.
The Homeless published by Columbia’s Story Week Reader
Exactly the story you’d expect from a young, white, liberal, middle class male from Chicago. Barf.
Booby Titz published in Hair Trigger 33
Based off a true story about how I made a chubby kid in a Tae-Kwon-Do class I used to teach cry from making him do so many push-ups. I wasn’t being malicious, but I was a teenager, and teenagers are assholes. I told my mom it was fictional, and she said, “good because the main character’s a dick.”
It made my workshop instructor giggle, which is nice. Sometimes it’s enjoyable to write something that one person seems to really enjoy.
Not sure if it deserved to be published in this anthology. Apparently the student editors didn’t want it in, but the instructors in charge of it wanted it in anyways.
If people are curious, I’d could possibly post it here on my tumblr. Or not. Maybe.
That’s it.
Again, I’d like to point out that I love all of these publications and feel they do great things. I in no way want anyone to think I’m disparaging good journals because I hate my own work. That is not the case.
<3 Mason
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